eTimes 03.02.20XX or 200XX-02-03

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Topic #1
New Worms title announced !
Directly quoted from the Hasbro press release :
" It's time to open a new can of whoop-ass along
with a whole new can of worms, for these lovable
pink bits are back into the battle with a vengeance
and a whole lot new weapons in their arsenal !
Featuring more of that good old lovable Worms action,
quirky humor with classic and silly all-new sound banks
with the likes of "Officer Bacon", "Interior Decorators",
"Fat Bastards", "Liberace" and the infamous "Paki Slag",
totally wholesome landscapes to obliterate,
and all-out destruction with some of the nuttiest weapons
ever deviced by pink invertebrates with a penchant for mass destruction !
Continuing in the fine tradition of in-your-face arsenal
of melee weapons, our next enhancement is the Fart move !
Prodding the plods was nothing - Unload your load of toxic pressure
on the foe and send him reeling and rolling into the pool
of you-know-what below in the Toilet landscape!
Or in the fine tradition of Old Grannies and Homing Pigeons,
unleash the Filthy Nigger onto your unsuspecting opponents, delivering them
untold diseases before violently exploding into brown chunks
that you wouldn't want to touch with your Uncle Billy-Bob's
rusty crowbar! Or send the enemy some serious burns with the Flaming Gay,
which sears through the ranks of the hostile blobs
with iron determination, causing third degree burns to everyone
while lisping away incoherable nonsense !
Worms Totalization, coming up in the third quarter of this year !
Get ready to, once again, worm the night away ! "

Topic #2
Battle of Honor on the top of the world !
The recently released game Battle of Honor,
has gone over the top and sold millions of copies
in just a few days of its release !
BoH, the ninth game so far to be based on the RSU franchise,
has sold at an incredible rate these last few days,
topping the sale of the classic Diablo 2 title of the past !
For those of you who still don't know what BoH is,
it is a hit first person shooter with an emphasis on online play
to a degree that it cannot even be run unless the machine
is connected online. Despite the bad reviews the game received
from several experts, the game has, since the release, sold millions of
copies and most stores are as of now sold out and waiting for the next
resupply of copies from Plasma Laser Interactive, the copyright holder of
the RSU franchise, led by company owner and founder Elina Wiltshire-Johnson,
who first created and brought the RSU concept of a true classic science fiction universe
with the emphasis on action onto the consumer masses, who have since
cherished and loved all of it. The value of the RSU franchise,
counting everything from the Hollywood box office hits
through the 9 action games to the shot glasses and action figures,
is estimated to be larger than that of Microsoft's and Virgin's combined.
Bill Gates could not be contacted for commentation at this time.

Topic #3
German Genocide Grows
The estimated death-toll of the country of Germany has risen into new levels
as four more cases of city-wide infestation have been discovered.
The root of the problem lies in the country's past, as everyone recalls,
when the leaders of the country elected that the precautions taken towards
the matter of the so-called Mad Cow Disease were well exaggerated
and that security towards the livestock needn't exceed the limits
that then were set. Problem arose into new heights as decades later
the disease wholly activated from the dormant state and entire cities
full of people were found to have been infested. Since then, nationwide
panic has struck Germany and the country has effectively been isolated
from the rest of the world, causing the situation inside to reach
drastic heights as sprees of killings and lootings have steadily racked
most of the cities within. Experts refer to bitter irony in the situation.

Topic #4
USA welcomes a new president
The new president of the United States of America was formally
introduced into his new job today in the traditional ceremony.
Slim Benz, the brand new President, who was elected into presidency
even though serious discrepancies were located in his history,
thanked his supporters in his speech, saying that he will try
to be the president of the entire nation even though
some people naturally voted for his competitor.
Some serious questions were asked before on the subject of the
President's opinons, mainly on his positive stance towards
biological and nuclear warface, and his acceptance towards the so-called
loose arms policy, which basically states that the USA may use
any kinds of weaponry at their disposal against virtually
any kinds of threats. However, judging by gallups,
the bulk of the people of the USA seem to actually agree with the
fresh president's views and policies.

Topic #5
The Finest Soldier has gone gold
The controversial movie The Finest Soldier has gone gold,
and is expected to be found in the shelves of movie stores worldwide
in just two to four weeks. The movie has gone through much debate
on whether it should ever be released, but the last court ruling
decided that there is no real basis on the concept of denying publication.
The movie, cut and edited from live footage of the famous Triple Hook Killer,
who hijacked a whole school in midwestern USA and visually recorded the
24-hour siege completely, along with explicit display of the killings
and mutilations (and more) he performed during the period, has made moralists
across the world stand up in rage. The movie will be marketed in two
different versions, the unrated, most visual three-hour movie,
and the slightly edited version for most movie stores across the world.
Obviously, the movie contains serious adult subject matter.

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